Idiot-Free Zone

i went for my interview yesterday. its right on bryant park. where some of my friends work too. this week is fashion week so there are all these people there. it was interesting.

i had trouble finding the place aka for like 4 mins. because the number tot he building just stand alone on a wall with 2 stores next to it. the entrance is on the side. i was in front of the entrance for a little but until i decided to go in. i didn't know it was going to be so official and as fancy as it was. when i went up (after getting a visitors pass with my face on it of course) i walk in and saw this hot secretary. like model hot. i met the guy and he seemed nice and friendly. we talked and strangely enough i was the most myself then i have been in all my interviews. he saw my portfolio and liked it and hired me on the spot. he probably hated all the other interns or saw something he liked in me :) i like to think the latter. also, his other intern goes to BU so maybe he thinks i'll be just as good. watch me be a complete and utter failure. hahaha. i won't 'cause i am too cool. i start this tuesday. watch me go in and my first assignment will be to make a logo. urg. i would die. no. i would kiss his feet and thank shiva and then die.


so, today I i saw 2 friends i haven't seen in forever. they were greek school friends and also our parents used to hang out. the younger one got better looking. the other one still seemed the same even after the nose surgery.

lately my head has been hurting. random migraines. not very strong painful ones just feels like i haven't eaten when i have. maybe it's my weird sleep schedule.

ok, i will take 2 motrins, do some logos and then mabe nap. all before 8pm so i can see my shows :)

i can't sleep. it's not because of nerves for my interview. it's because of my bad sleep schedule. what's funny is that at 10:30 i was really tired but when i went to bed a few hours later i couldn't sleep. now i am up with only 5 hrs. to go. great.

eek. i have an interview tomorrow. i am excited to be going to Manhattan. i haven't been in what seems forever. now that i think of it...it has been probably a month or so. this job opportunity seems promising. i don't know why. maybe it's because i want it. their portfolio looks good. i was trying to get my portfolio ready for them. my stuff is not good. seriously. it's times like these where i doubt my selected path in life. i hope i chose the right one. i just looked right now at my portfolio to see if it was better than when i last saw it haha. no. :(

maybe i am who they want. i won't think about it too much. if i don't get picked up by them someone else will. THINK POSITIVE! :)

i miss being in school. all i had to do was hw and not worry too much about the "real world."



last night i was watching the vmas and i was so annoyed by almost everyone on there. why does little wayne need to have his shorts down to his knees with his briefs showing. he probably thinks he is so cool. all these celebrities are in a fake world. they don;t know what it is to be a normal person (this has nothing to do with having your pants down to your knees). they do and say things thinking someone is watching them. and someone is. all the time. it's our fault. ok, i'm done with this topic.

i am such an intolerant person.

i am tired and it's not even 11 yet. maybe that is good since i have to be up at like 8:30.

i want to go to the beach again before summer ends but i know i won't end up going. :( oh, well. i wonder what franda is up to. we haven't spoken in a few days.

if the interview goes well tomorrow i'll go eat pinkberry. if it doesn't go well....i'll go get pinkberry :)

i can see myself smoking my head off tomorrow. yes, i have gone back to smoking. not much, just back to doing it. i shouldn't be doing it but it actually puts me at ease. my favorite time to do it is when i watch movies. depressing foreign ones. :)

ookkkkkk. time to be the coolest person at that agency tomorrow. they'll love me and i'll love them.

Today was my first time watching eurovision dance. well, it is the 2nd time they are doing it. it was interesting. it lasted about an hour and a halfish as opposed to eurovision song contest's 3 hrs. first they voted with jury and then people called in. the jury made greece 2nd but combined with the televote, greece dropped to 7th out of 14. so half. i found it weird that greece got such high marks from the jury because they had a wardrobe malfunction. i was also surprised that they places poland in 6th when i thought they were the clear winners. but turns out, at the end...poland won. they deserved it.

so, logos and such. i have been doing some. i haven't been drowning in it though like i have been the past week. i have finally come up with a logo that got decent amount of views from other people. out of the like 70-80 logos maybe 4 are more viewed than mine and out of those 4 i think i only have to worry about 2 of them. i think my logo is good enough but we shall see. it's ok if i don't win. it will probably make me work harder. but i have talked and thought so much about it that it probably won't turn out for the better. but we shall see. it's in the air.

i have an interview tuesday with a company i think i like. i won't have any expectations because that always kills it for me. i will just go, talk and leave and see what happens. i sort of like being home and doing nothing. reminds me of college. when i would just do hw and watch tv and just sleep. twas a great life. i should have gone out more in college but it still was ok that i didn't. i was fine just sitting home watching my foreign films. oh, how i miss them. i still have netflix but no longer 3 at a time. now it's just one. the last movie i saw was 4 months, 3 weeks and 2 days. it's a movie about illegal abortion in a communist romanian world. it was interesting because the main character was a good actor and it was one of the films that didn't have a lot of dialogue. a lot of the movie was just visuals (as in seeing the actors reactions)....at least that's how i remember it.

so, what else? i have been playing sudoku like no other. i love it. i miss franda and marianna. i want to hang out with them. yes, marianna is in dubai but she will hopefully come in a month or so to visit. franda started school and is looking for a job so i don't know if i'll see her as much as i used to :(

i think my lady gaga-just dance phase has passed. i was OBSESSED with that song for 4 days straight. it shot up to my most played list in no time.

i am debating wether to fall asleep or watch a movie. i saw capote yesterday. at first i was annoyed that i couldn't understand what he was saying but then it got better. it was a sad movie. was pretty good. he deserved that best actor award.

i think i haven't written in livejournal for a while because i got my computer and it occupies me a lot. i love it by the way. it's like my little baby :)

i went to the beach yesterday. i didn't get sunburned. yes! it was fun. the waves were so much fun. though, i did hate constantly feeling like my skin was being eaten by a virus. i think invisible jellyfish were stinging everyone. everyone was scratching themselves in the beach but the waves were too tempting for anyone to not be in the water.

so i found a really cool website. it's called logosauce.com. i get to compete in logo competitions. it's so cool. i have been dedicating my time to it a lot. i love making logos. a lot of people on that site are really good. i don't know if i'll ever win a competition but i will try like crazy, that's for sure. (ps, i think i might have mentioned this 2 postings ago but im not sure, oh well)

i got an email from a branding company to come in for an interview next week. WOOHOO!! hopefully something happens with this company. they seem cool and i like their stuff.

I can't believe it's september already. wow.

OK, off to eat. ciao.

I HAVE MY NEW FUCKIN' LAPTOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S SO CLEAN AND PRETTY AND AMAZING!! IT'S MY LITTLE BABY. NOTHING BETTER HAPPEN TO IT OR ELSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOHOO!! IT WAS SUPPOSED TO COME TOMORROW BUT I GUESS IT AND I HAVE SUCH A STRONG CONNECTION THAT IT CAN'T BE APART FROM ME FOR TOO LONG. AW, I LOVE YOU BABY. IF YOU HAD A HOLE WE WOULD BE HAVING SEX RIGHT NOW. :)

the Olympics are over! sad but true. Greece won a 4th medal. a silver. when? their last game of the olympics. that's when. way to keep me on my toes guys. :)

one thing to obsessive over has left but another may be in sight. even though eurovision begins in may the hype, news and selection processes begin much earlier. bulgaria is supposedly having their first show to pick an artist October 1st. that's seriously a month from now. how insane? very. i was so engulfed in eurovision madness last time. it was like i was sick. i guess i do have an obsessive nature. oh, well.

what else has happened? i went to the beach with franda on saturday and of course i got burned. only because the last few times i have been to the beach/pool i was obsessively applying sun block and i never got tan so i thought that one application would suffice but i didn't. my upper back and calves got burned. my back is feeling much better but my calves still ache a little when they come in contact with anything. it's funny because one scratch to the skin is felt 6 seconds later. odd but painful. it's scary to put on clothes sometimes. though, the pain leaves fairly quickly.

the business cards i ordered for my neighbor came. i sort of don't like them. i have to redo them. also, there were these 2 noticeable lines on them. very annoying.

my laptop has yet to come. i did order it not too long ago (friday i think) but the UPS tracking system says it's still in China. what the fuck? first off, it's weird to me that it's coming from there (yes, they probably make it there but if they kept some stock in the usa it would be here by now) it says it's in transit still in shanghai, china. great. it's ok i guess. when it comes it will be more exciting.

i saw some great movies recently. vicky christina barcelona, elegy and oldboy. i LOVE penelope cruz. i used to hate her for some reason but in the past few years i have come to love her so much. she is in a lot of my favorite movies. vicky christina barcelona is definitely going on my favorite list. it's great. elegy was pretty good too. one might say very good. oldboy was odd but fascinating. the story line was interesting (quite odd) and the cinematography was great.

so, no jobs yet. no one fuckin' wants me. they can go all fuck themselves.

a lot of my shows are going to come around again. like grey's anatomy, HEROES, pushing daisies, antm and others. i'm sure i will be free with no job so i'll be able to watch them. what's weird is that this summer as an excuse not to do anything. 'cause people go on vacation and relax over the summer. but now that the school year is coming and i can't go back to school, things will be much different. scary. what will i be doing?

right this second i am frustrated. frustrated because of many things. i hate that i am a desperate person. i hate feeling like the lesser person. it pains me.

marianna is coming in about 3 weeks or so. i am very excited. i miss her. i envy her beach-side apartment. :(

ok, i'm going to apply for some jobs before i go crazy.

Greece!! Why are you always losing??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!!

Last night i went to bed at 2am but i couldn't sleep because of my restless leg syndrome. yes! i have it and it's not a fake thing. my legs couldn't stay still. it was painful. it comes and goes. it used to be worse.

so i went to go get my neighbors birthday cake (the same amazing cake i had for mine). i went a little out of my way but that's ok. i wanted to go. i parked my car outside of coldstone for like 2 minutes to buy the cake and of course a "cop" wrote me up a ticket. i told him i went in for a minute and he said he knows 'cause he was following me from across the street. i didn't want to feed into his authoritative position so i said "whatever, do what you got to do" and then smiled and said "thank you" when he gave me the ticket and slammed the door shut. what a fuckin' idiot. it was fuckin' 155 dollars. just after i spent a shit load on my new laptop.

it's ok. my new laptop is coming very soon! i am very happy. excited. and my business cards are coming tomorrow.

this greek girl is competing in taekwando as we speak right now. i hope she wins. she got the silver in 2004 but a lot can change in 4 years. i wish her luck :) GIA TEIN ELLADA RE GAMOTO!!

so greece can't seem to win another medal. they either come last place or just ALMOST get a medal placing in like 4th and 5th place. i was impressed though that this greek guy was ranked 14th in table tennis in the world out of maaaanyyy people. he won his first round but then just missed the semifinals. he also did go against the 2nd ranked person. sucks. greece feel on their faces in sailing after being on top. greece has no real hope in athletics anymore. they had many people in track and field but nothing really came of it. it's ok. we still have taekwando which greece has won 2 medals last olympics with the people they have now. maybe something good will come. but it's ok if they don't. i had fun following them and watching them place and play. it filled my days. made me almost forget i don't have a job or money of my own. in 4 years it will be better for greece because they will just have to do better than like 3 medals unlike this year when they had to beat their previous record of 16 medals. maybe they will learn a thing or two about doping too. DON'T DO IT!! make new young hopefuls will emerge. who knows. we shall see. good luck in 2012 greece!!

so for my birthday my mom bought me a laptop. fairly overpriced but i will have it forever so it made sense. especially since i will be using it for work. i am happy.

the business cards for my neighbor that i designed are coming tomorrow. i am happy for that.

there are these funny shirts online that i want to buy. they make me laugh.

By the way, my birthday cake had an ellipses on it! it said "Happy Birthday....."

huh??!!what does that mean?? it was so odd. very very strange. i guess it fit me perfectly.

My birthday was yesterday. How was it? not very birthday-y. I did nothing the whole day until about 9pm. No one was home. I was basically by myself most of my birthday, following the olympics. watching greece not do so great. can they please give me something for my birthday. i don't care if it's a bronze. anyway..... i bought a beautiful chocolate cake. the best cake i have ever had that i can remember. it was amazing. an all chocolate cake from coldstone. when i was taking it out so people can wish me happy birthday--pause!...i bought my own birthday cake. how pathetic--someone went out to go get me a cake because they thought i didn't get one so they made me put it back 'cause someone else went out to go get me one and thought he would get pissed if he left for no reason. bullshit. i was upset until i tasted the cake and it was good enough to make me not care anymore (cookies and cream with white poundcake) of course we all ate the other cake when that guy left. i got some money from my neighbor and a gift certificate to MACY'S from my friend. i didn't even get to see franda 'cause it was her brother's birthday too. it was sad but it's ok.

i still have been watching the olympics a lot. i am sleep deprived and my head hurts because of it. the olympics ending will make me sad but at the same time i can focus on my life again haha. i love watching sialing the most. not watching it on TV but online. i can track to see who is leading. Greece has a chance to win a medal in it but so many others are so close to their score. greece was 3rd but now is 6th with 3 more races to go. they are 6th with only 6 points below the 3rd place (that's not much). greece was leading in this last race. they were first but fell. how sad. greece also lost in like 4 other events tonight. i need them to do well! gosh! get one more medal and i'll be happy! make it an even medal count please! thanks :)

i am so hot right now. this hot laptop is too much. i can't wait for a new laptop.

i need to get a fuckin' job!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! someone help me. PLEASE!!

Greece couldn't have given me a worse birthday gift. He came in first in the qualifications in long jump and then fucked up everything in the final. you get THREE chances to get a good score and he fucked it up. let me rephrase, you get THREE chances to get ANY score. he got NO score on all three chances (that means he probably stepped over the line each time) what a fuckin' idiot. the only chance of greece getting a gold and he fucked it up. THANKS! i am LOVING this birthday already.

What a happy moment. So, after 8 days of competition Greece gets their first medal. a bronze in Yngling Sailing. The US was so close to beating them cause they were one point away but in the last race the US came in 5th so they were no longer a threat.

I found an amazing website. I didn't know the official olympics website would give you up to date details of everything that's going on. like right then and there when is' happening. i know this seems obvious for them to do it but nevertheless it still amazed me. i, for some reason thought wikipedia was the fastest one. ya freakin' right. wikipedia left out half of the greek olympic team out haha.

I have no idea why it's taking the website to officially claim Greece won 3rd but during the race it said they were 3rd overall. (in sailing the teams usually race 8-10 races and the top 10 qualify to the medal race where that score is doubled and added to the original score--at least i think that's how it works). I hope Greece placed 3rd. the official thing not showing up is making me second guess myself.

athletics (track and field as it's called sometimes) is what Greece is the most strong in. They are doing pretty well in some of them. Some greek guy placed 1st in the long jump in qualifications and a woman placed 2nd in the triple jump qualifications (she won silver in 2004). and the lady who hold the olympic record for 400m hurdle race is in this olympics too! i didn't know that. i hope she wins. yay. i am so happy right now. the olympics makes me so happy. and amazingly it has made me bond with my dad. maybe 'cause i sort of seem obsessed with sports right now and i am showing lots of greek pride hahaha.

what's funny to me is how my theory of greek people living in extremes is only further justified in these olympics. i am watching their qualifications and such and they are either placed first or second or dead last. seriously. it makes me laugh inside.

URG! i keep on checking the "official" results and nothing is showing up. wow. i seriously have a very obsessive competitive nature. what can i say, i'm a leo.

oh, fuck. speaking of leo. it's my birthday tomorrow. crap. wow. i completely forgot (almost) what should i do???????????? probably hang out with franda. maybe go see a play??!! (maybe if i pay for frandas ticket and even if i can i am sure she wouldn't accept it)....or maybe some TAKO SU AND NY ROLL!!! (japanese food) then again, i have had that twice this week hahaha. but it's amazing!! woohoo. yay. i get to be 22!! why am i excited?? 'cause it's an even palindrome!! this won't happen again until 20 years from now. aw, my first even palindrome birthday. anthony, i wish you the bets of luck this year. hopefully someone will realize how talented you are and offer you an amazing job. :)

life begins.

I can't stop watching the Olympics and I don't care. I was just watching fencing and it was SO intense. I love the noises they make after they make a hit. It's this super gratifying scream that would give anyone chills. well it was down to ukraine and china and ukraine was trailing in double digits and she ended up catching up and winning. you need 45 points to win and she caught up and the last "round" was a tie. 44 to 44. it made me happy. for some reason i love sports during the olympics. i don't know what it is. i think a lot of has to do with the countries. it gives me a sense of unity and competition (i think that's an oxymoron) i also get a thrill out of obsessively following something and looking up statistics. i should have majored in statistics 'cause i could look up numbers and past histories of mostly anything and i would never get bored. i don't know what it is. but i enjoy it.

i also just got a huge rush because i found out there are a lot more competitors than wikipedia shows for Greece. Wikipedia failed to put down track and field stuff for Greece for some reason and i thought there was a mistake but wasn't really sure till now. Greece is still continuing to disappoint. It sucks but the stuff they are good at are coming soon. they did lose to USA in basketball, which was very annoying but it's OK, i think Greece will still qualify. I watched the first quarter and got an anxiety attack 'cause Greece was losing so I went back to sleep. Hopefully Greece's first medal will come soon.

I am also upset that only the USA and China are really televised. I know it's impossible to follow everything and everyone and i am living in the US but i would like to see more of Greece.

Fuck looking for jobs.

So, it's the 5th day of the Olympics and Greece hasn't won anything and has been showing potential in few sports. Hopefully something good will come soon. It sucks 'cause a lot of the things they are good at are later in the Olympics.

I have been watching the Olympics so much. Michael Phelps of course has a million medals now. The gymnastics were interesting. I loved the Chinese teams. They were amazing. I can;t wait for track & field. I love those events. I also enjoy weightlifting. Greece is super good at weightlifting but mos tof the team has not been able to come due to failing drug tests. I think like 10 of them didn't make it, which is crazy.

I am very tired right now. i have been looking for jobs non-stop lately. hopefully something good will come. i am pretty negative at this point but that shouldn't stop me. I am very scared for my future. oh, well. such is life.

I can't wait to see Vicky Cristina Barcelona. I also want to see Wanted again.

I wanted to type more in this entry but I am way too tired.

By the way, I saw all of Heroes Season 2. what a great show. I can't wait for the next season.

My birthday is in less than a week. I don't know what to feel about it. i also don't know what i will be doing. probably not that much.

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So, the Olympics have started and I can't be more excited. The opening ceremony was amazing. The games themselves are also great. For some reason I love watching every game. No matter how dull it may seem outside of the Olympic madness. Sailing, fun? yes! I love it all.

It's really funny to me that a lot of these swimmers are breaking records left and right. One team beat the world record by 4 seconds. do you know how much 4 seconds is in swimming? A LOT! It's funny that a few other swimming teams (it was a relay race) were ahead of the record too. The French swimmers said they were going to "smash" the Americans and they gave like a nanosecond behind them. it was funny. i sort of wanted France to win just because USA wins everything and Phelps annoys me because he wins everything. I like seeing the underdogs winning. It's the best.

I was watching the women's gymnastics. they all have super muscle-y bodies with no boobs. This one lady is 33 and in the sport. which is funny because everyone else is around 16. but she is still amazing. I want to see track and field and diving/synchronized swimming and weightlifting all these other sports. everything is so very exciting during the Olympics. One year I will go. It will be in London in 4 years and i always have wanted to visit. maybe if i have money (and someone who wouldn't mind joining me) i will go. then again, i would have to buy like all these different tickets to see everything. i probably would only see the ones with greek people in them. Greece hasn't been doing so great this year so far. yes, it has been like 2-3 days but still. not even one? they also have less than half of the people they did in the last olympics where they were the hosts. I think maybe the only shows i would definitely see would be the opening and closing ceremony. though, the opening is almost always so much more better than the closing.

Ok, so i am sort of getting tan. i have gone to my neighbor's pool out in long island today and last week. i might be going to the local pool. possibly. i ate so much shit today. i need to not do that if i want my body not to be nasty at the pool-side.

So. jobs and internships. where have I been all this time? the same place from when i graduated. no where. yes, i have sort of made more connections but none promising. lord and taylors is the only one that miiiiiighhhttttttttttttttttt happen. like one in a hundred unlike the one in a million other ones. the others are not looking good. i think when people don't like your work they just don't respond (even though you try to e-mail them every so often) until you give up. i do have an interview on tuesday for this unpaid internship with this unknown small company with a crappy website. i just have a bad feeling about them. oh, wait. i don't have an interview but a "test" with them. where they will test me on my photoshop skills. i just have a very bad gut feeling about them and what i would be offered there isn't somewhere where i would like to be. i'm going to e-mail them tomorrow and pretend i found a job. how great and honest of me.

whatever. fuck everyone at this moment. it's me watching olympics relaxing in the recliner. how perfect for the moment. current sport: men's beach volleyball. i wish i was in the olympics so i could have that dramatic scream for joy upon winning a gold medal. (though silver is so much more appealing. physically)

the greek olympics were so perfect graphically. the awards and the mascots and just everything that had to be designed was perfect. i'm very proud of that.

It's funny that at these OLympics they keep on playing random american music during intervals or games. they should play chinese pop or something. who cares about rhianna in the middle of Beijing? no one.

i feel like i had much more to say. oh, well.

OH ,YES! HEROES! I finally started watching the second season. I am very close to finished. mainly because they only had 11 episodes due to the writers' strike. oh, well. at least i will be up to date with everything. i forgot how amazing heroes was. what a freakin' great show. i sort of like the fact that they have so many characters. it makes it more interesting. a little more confusing but definitely more interesting. I wonder if the last episode was made in mind that it was the last episode of that season. i'm sure Brian knows, i'll ask him soon.

this summer is going well because i'm not doing much which is what summer is all about but when fall and winter comes i better be doing something. i need to work. i need to get out there. SOMEONE GIVE ME A FUCKIN' JOB THAT I CAN GROW AND DO WELL AND NOT CRY EVERY NIGHT OF MY LIFE.

I know beggars can't be choosers but even homeless man cringes a little when he is thrown a penny. I deserve a big shiny quarter. they just don't know it yet.

:)

I am mad bored right now.

I saw Franda for like 30 mins in her car. we didn't do anything. we just talked. which is fine but i wish i could have hung out with her more. instead i am home doing nothing. i should read or something but i am not only bored but lazy. i am not in the best of moods. i need to be motivated. there is nothing to strive for at this very moment. i'm living in a monotonous blah. all that excites me is eating.

speaking of food...all i want is pinkberry and that N.Y. roll. with the spicy shrimp, crab and eel. how amazing? too amazing.

the song that i can't stop listening to: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TvG39eE07yo

someone download it for me!

I think i'm getting a new laptop for my birthday. not sure. i sort of don't need it at all but i want it anyway. it will put some excitement into my life. sad, i know.

good thing zola's birthday is coming up soon. it will give me something to do. and i love hanging out with her so that will be fun.

I am going to take a nap. a very undeserved, unnecessary nap. i think that rightly summarizes my life.

a few things have happened. wisdom, pressure and Shana.

I got 4 of my wisdom teeth taken out. most people I have talked to say it was going to hurt a lot and i would be swollen BUT none of that really happened. i did bleed a lot but there was no swelling and little pain. nothing a valium couldn't fix. i definitely defied all human body responses.

over this weekend i went to long island to my neighbors house. we first went fishing. it was my mom, my brother, neighbor, a friend and me. we caught like 20 fish. i caught 6. my largest being the second largest caught. it was fun even though i felt sea sick a little. i later swam in their pool the rest of the time being there. i guess my body hasn't been used to the sun 'cause i have been staying indoors the whole time. when going home i got really sick. i had a really really high fever. i couldn't even talk because my head was hurting so much. the pressure was unbelievably painful. i took a hot shower for like 20 mins. i couldn't get out of that shower. i felt so much better in that heat. strangely enough my fever went away the next morning. not all of it but like 80% of it. very weird. it was like a one time thing.

shana came over the next day from boston to go on an interview. i had to pick her up form the train station first and that was so annoying. i haven't been that frustrated in a very long time. i was on the verge of tears. i was looking for it so hard and asked like three people. after a while i found it. it wasn't obvious at all. she needed up not going to the interview anyway 'cause it was a scam. which was good 'cause i got to hang out with her. shana is my pal.

i feel sweaty and hot right now even though the air conditioner is on. i also want to pig out even though i am not that hungry. i had my favorite sushi roll today. SO GOOD. eel with spciy shrimp and crab. i love it. i am completely off my diet and haven't workout out in like 4 days. very bad. i will start tomorrow and maybe do a little tonight.

i hope i get a job soon. i really do.

life is full of empty hope.

my self conscious level right now is pretty high. i hate this body. i am bored of this look. i am tired of not finding the right one. yes, it's hard because of my situation and because i am not actively looking (sort of). but it just needs to happen. i need to feel good about myself. i need to be put on a fuckin' pedestal some times. all i want to do now is eat a HUGE bag of doritos. good thing i am getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth pulled out tomorrow. that will be fun. so much fuckedy-fuck-fuck fun. maybe it will make me loose weight. let's hope. i am still not beach worthy. how pathetic.

i am tired of wallowing in what could have been. i repulse myself when i think of how obsessive i get over people. people who don't even talk to me. people who barely know i exist. people who ignore me or just don't give a shit about me. what is wrong? why do i care what they think so badly? why do i strive for acceptance so desperately? i make these worlds and these complex thoughts in my head that contain people that could care less. i obsess over that one person who was too cool for school in college. i think about how i would impress them if they were in front of me right now. what kind of bullshit is this? STOP IT!

haha. ok, that's enough of that.

i'm actually not even feeling that badly right now. i just needed to vent. and i think these pipes are all out of steam. guten nahten.

so, am i moving up in life? possibly. possibly not.

i still feel fat. i run every fuckin day and i dont even eat bad stuff. i think im not doing enough ab exercises. urg. i hate being fat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I finally visited my friend and went to the very talked about Williamsburg, Brooklyn. My friend invited me to this concert happening at this abandoned pool area. I envisioned this deep 12ft smallish pool for some reason but this pool was super big and not that deep. I didn't know the ting tings were going to perform. they aren't my number one band but i like their one semi-famous song. we stood in line for about an hour or more even after cutting about 90% of the line. it was raining, what a mess. though it wasn't intense. just annoying. good thing we bought a $3.50 umbrella that kept on turning inside out. standing in line wasn't all that bad. there was always something to pay attention to, like the 19 yr old grl eating some orange powder drug and sharing it with the guy behind her that she just met. there were also many good looking people there. except none really my type. Williamsburg was interesting in that it kind of reminded me of Boston because of the huge population of young white kids. everyone's look there screamed "i'm too cool for school." and they were. they sure were.

at first i thought to myself that it would be great living there. but then i thought about it more and realized i probably would get really annoyed after a while. i probably wouldn't fit in that well and everyone would surely annoy me. but then again everyone everywhere annoys me. tis the life i lead.

i'm eating greek yogurt with cinnamon in it. it's interesting. i sort of strayed from my diet a little meaning that i occasionally will eat bread. but not much just a few bites. and i might eat something sugary. i haven't gone back to my old ways but i like the way i am now because i can't give up junk. i have cut down A LOT though. i eat right for the most part and maybe eat a little bit of something bad for me haha.

i'm continuing to read this book i stopped reading like a year ago. it's called the Devil in the Details. it's about this lady who talks about her extreme OCD and growing up with it. i realized a lot of what i did and still do is OCD. i know i have some form of OCD (a lot worse when i was a child) but somethings never occurred to me to be OCD symptoms. like constantly thinking you were going to hurt someone but never did. when i was younger and near a baby i used to think that i was going to take the baby and throw it on the floor. i don't know why but it made me anxious haha. or sometimes when i was near knives i would think i was going to stab the person near me and i had to control myself from not doing it. OCD people think these things but very rarely if ever actually act upon them. maybe my next posting will have a list of the OCD things i have done an still do. haha. that would be interesting.

a-tout-e-lou idiots.

i am at home doing NOTHING. i am so fuckin' pale for not going out. soon i'll look good to be going to the pool/beach.

of course Franda can't hang out today AGAIN! Marianna needs to come back. she is always up for hanging out. i have been on the computer trying to create some ads and such but i need to go outside. and i don't want to go by myself. i need more friends. seriously. friends that are free before 7pm. i don't feel like going to the city at 7:30 and staying there till late. mainly 'cause my parents give me shit.

fuck it all.

All I want are french fries. this diet is preventing me from eating such amazing junk. :( But according to my scale this morning I have lost about 10 lbs. So, yay! :)

so my favorite contestant on the show, Mark didn't get good reviews yesterday and i thought it was a sure thing that he wa sleaving tonight but he was saved. HOW EXCITING!! and twitch was in the bottom hahahaha. he needs to leave so badly. he annoys me beyond belief.

the top 4 should be mark, katee, courntey and joshua. we shall see in a few weeks. if mark gets kicked off at all i probably will stop watching the show.

the lord and taylor guy answered me back after he saw my website. how impressive. :)

I love how when i actually have something interesting or positive to say I don't write it in my livejournal immediately.

My website is finally up. yay! hopefully people I want to hire me will be impressed. i feel like i don't have work that can wow people yet. i need to do better. i shall.

my business cards came today. they look so good. i like them a lot. i don't like them 100% but i never do with anything. they are cool. they are to impress people when i get an interview. i haven't been on a decent interview in forever. well, i have never been on an interview where i got a job haha, so i guess none of them were good haha. oh, me. i hope i;m making the right decisions in life. and i hop i made the right decisions concerning what i want to do in life. i know i can do it but do other people know that? not yet.

i got a haircut today.

i also didn't work out today. i feel very gross right now but ill continue tomorrow. or maybe i'll run tonight. if i don't go out i will work out tonight.

i am in a very blah mood. what am i going to be doing this whole summer? whatever, it's only one month left. then this nasty ass hot weather will go away.

i saw Wanted. it was SO GOOD. i think it's on my favorite movie list.

i have so much anger in me. i just want to curse everyone out all the time. is that bad? oh, well.

my mom is so annoying. she seems to always be yelling at me for something. she is upset that i don't have a million friends like all the kids in the neighborhood and the friends that i do have she never has met because they live in manhattan. and she is upset that my brother doesn't have any friends and that we don't go out much. i'm sorry i don't have 50 friends coming over my house at 3am like my neighbor does or that i am constantly leavingat 8 and coming back at 4am partying with my "too cool for school" friends and getting drunk and socializing with all the idiots that roam this neighborhood. yes, my brother and i don't hang out that often and he has no one really to hang out with but i sort of don't feel like doing things with him main;y because we have almost nothing in common. i'd rather hang out with my best friend. sorry that i am staying inside most of my days. especially since what i do requires a computer. sorry that i don't have a fuckin' job. i'm looking constantly for one.

she is so fuckin' annoying. i want to leave this house and never come back. ever.

it's so hard to move forward with this family.

right this second my body feels good. by good i mean better. better than before. not great but better. and that's a start. i have only had my new diet for 4 days and i can say it is working and it's so hard to resist foods i can't eat.

i am one of those lame people who don't have anything to do over the summer and stay inside and do nothing. who does that? me :(

there is really nothing to report. my mind is blank.

the next movie on my list would be Helvetica. its a movie about the font. its mainly an interest for graphic people.

my business cards haven't come in yet.

today is going to be boring.

i have decided that i will never use capitalized letters in my postings. only if it's necessary. i like it this way better. more me.

i have started this diet. i have done it for 2 days now. all i can eat are vegetables, fruits and grilled meat (and fish). it's so hard to not eat bad things. but not that hard. i can resist, i just crave too often. but i love fruit and everything that i have to eat so its good.

i saw the dark knight today. it was pretty good. heath ledger did a good job. do i think he deserves an oscar? if he was alive i would probably say no. now that he is dead. i think i will probably still say no. yes, he changed himself a lot and he played the psycho well but there was still something missing. but he played him really well.

i like hanging out with franda. i wish i could all the time. but i can't. so according to the business card website they have finished printing my cards but i don't think that means they have shipped them yet. i am so curious as to how they turned out i doubt they will come out the way i want them to.

i think i had something interesting to say but i have forgotten. probably something not even that important. oh! i saw shana yesterday. that was really nice, though i felt that i never had time away from her at all. we went to pinkberry (which is against my diet but pinkberry is not that bad for you and its SO GOOD) we then strolled around in the 100 degree weather and we saw a few random galleries. they were so nice. this one gallery was amazing. i envy those artists so much. we then went to a dead sea lotion/body soap place where they made us wash out hands with some scrubs in this fountain hahaha. i did the same thing once in their store in boston. that sales person was so good at being what she is supposed to be. her personality just screams "sales girl!"

ok, i just bored myself with this posting. not good.

im mad tired now. i should sleep so i can wake up and work out but i will stay up just a litttttleee longer. aka im not and going to bed now. :)

so, today. what about today? i woke up today with my mom hitting my foot and yelling at me. she hates when i shake my foot. she said "even in his sleep he shakes his foot!" but i was awake and i yelled at her. who gives a fuck if i shake my leg. gosh. i'm shaking it right now as we speak. what you gonna do about it? nothing. that's what.

i seriously have NO clue what i did today. i went to starbucks to get away from my house. i haven't gone out since saturday. being in this house is seriously making me physically sick. i need something to do. i try to be creative everyday at home but i need to be outside and yes, i can go out by myself but i don't want to. i want to be with friends. i hang out with 3 people. 2 which live in manhattan. my best friend can never go out. i am stuck alone a lot. someone like me should have more friends. i think i was complaining about this in the previous posting. i complain too much. and i will do it to anyone who will listen. i talk about myself too much too. i'm such a leo. haha.

it was so cold in that starbucks. good thing i wore long sleeves. i flet like every shirt i had was too small for me. when i will i fuckin' look good!!

i realized how depressing the world we live in is. while in starbucks i saw so mnay people going into mcdonalds. 88% who were morbidly obese. and the drive thru was always jam packed. and of course this overweight woman next to me was drinking a venti frap. it was just a depressing scene.

there was this girl outside of starbucks who was crying on the phone. there was something so dramatic and alluring about it. i couldn't hear her. all i could see was her sulked look. was majestic in a way.

i came home and ate my second meal of the day which was 8 hrs later from my first. bad.

these people at the table were talking about abstract art and how they don't understand how a blot or a splash could be art. could i have rolled my eyes any further back? no.
ok. you don't get it. i understand that. doesn't mean it's not worth praise or respect. maybe i'm just offended 'cause i am into abstract art.

our world is so corrupt, especially america. i can't put my finger on it but something just makes my stomach turn when i think about who leads our nation. are we all that stupid? why can't we pick someone who is actually worthy. mainly because most people aren't educated. ok, i'm going to stop talking about this because i don't feel like getting into something that will get me upset and lead nowhere.

i'm scared for my future. i am. truly.

i think i need to get beaten by the reality stick for a few hours. maybe then i'll know what to do.

i am actually going to bed before 12. wow. that has happened like once this year haha.

if anyone is reading this....listen to katy perry's song. "i'm still breathing" depressing but with so much emotional impact. http://youtube.com/watch?v=V1DQs_aPcTU

:)

Today was fairly productive. I ordered my business cards. I hope they come out good. If they don't I might just cry a little and stab someone.

I woke up. I tried to get my website to work but those who could help me weren't available. :( She said she will look at it closely soon. When is soon?? Last time I checked "soon" qualified under the 24 hr. period. I need that shit now. But seriously, she is really cool for trying to help. Too bad my old teacher hasn't responded to the e-mail. She is probably busy getting her tan on in North Korea.

I love grilled zucchini. I could eat it for days nonstop. I think I ate 20 huge slices. No joke. At home I eat so much fruit and vegetables. What has it done? made me gain weight! that's what.

I worked out today but of course after 3 weeks or more I still haven't seen any real results. I exercise and I eat right! what the flippin' fuck! I probably need to lift weights and do ab exercises. cardio just isn't enough. fuck all this multi-exercising routines. It's like every muscle has it's own little exercise. fuck that! where's the one-exercise-fits-all regimen?

My throat is still hurting. Feels better but not quite there yet. I should take some tylenol and gargle salt water before bed but I the salt is all the way in the bottom and it's mad late and my dad wakes up at this time and if he finds me up it will be awkward and I'll seem like a major loser.

So you think you can dance? (dance, dance dance....) is such a great show. Though out fo the 20 contestant only 6 are good. I love Mark and Katee. What great dancers. I also love that Katee is Asian. not sure why. maybe 'cause I like some diversity in my daily routine. or in this case, weekly. every wed. 8pm.

I am obsessed with tv shows. i love project runway too. they are all so good at what they do. even the worst ones aren't even that bad.

Yes, i have realized i have used correct capitalization for half of my words. get over it.

OK, i am going to bed. If i don't get website help tomorrow or do something productive i will throw up. being in this house for so long has made me sick. i am nauseous all the time and my stomach hurts and my throat is sore. i don't even have that many friends. i hang out with like one person and she is like never allowed to go out 'cause her mom is strict. urg! i need to go outside. i need that vitamin d. i wish i was comfortable with my own body. i want to go to the pool/beach so badly but i hate they way i look like shirtless. i detest it. i abhor it. i want a nice body. not even a 6 pack. a nice flat stomach. not even that flat. i don't care for a bump. i just want things fairly tight and proportionate. i know i should work harder on my body. i got the diet down, i just need to work out more and effectively. of course i know what to do. we all know what to do. doing it is the hard part.

i want a life. a good job. i dont care about the money. i just want enough so i could support myself and live alone. i am a very simple person when it comes to luxuries which is weird cause thats the one thing i am opposite from my zodiac sign. or maybe it's 'cause i'm so pessimistic that i don't think i could ever reach a point where i can afford lavish objects. i should be more positive. why shouldn't i be? i am super cool. super interesting and i gots skills. mad skills, son. (ya, i am so ghetto)

great. now my dad is up and i can't go take my tylenol. my throat better not be a bitch tomorrow or i'll slap it.

fin.

I am so freakin' aggravated. I was so close to getting my website done. At the last freakin' minute I found a flaw and I don't know how. The only person who can help is my old teacher who is probably on vacation right now. I was expecting this though. Can something please run smoothly for once? thanks.

I feel like I'm back in that interactive design class slaving over my website that never came to be. This time though I am definitely finishing it. I was hoping I was going to be done with it all today but I am having some trouble with the images and the only person who can help me isn't online. It's O.K. maybe later. I'm just a little anxious about it. I want it to be nice. I think my design is nicer than I thought it would be. It's still not amazing but it's a good start :)

I am pumped to finish it.

Sad news: my throat is acting like every other time. Watch me get mono and pink eye in both eyes AGAIN. 'cause we all know I'm a floating impossibility.

I don't think I will work out today. I barely ate today and whatever I did eat was healthy. The only unhealthy thing I took was a few swigs of ginger ale. I rarely drink soda but how can one resist the calling of that ale? no one.

I am kind of hot right now but I don't want to risk dying by turning on the air conditioner. So die of throat or heat? I wish I didn't have to die. It's inevitable.

Such is life.

I seek people's approval too much. I think that stems from being an insecure child. Maybe if some people weren't such idiots I wouldn't be this way. It's O.K. 'cause I'm going places even if it's not that clear. There's just a just thick fog at the moment.

Remember learning about smog, cirius and cumulus? how interesting. Almost as interesting as Earth: The Biography on the National Geographic Channel. All it talked about was glaciers and Antarctica. It was so interesting. I love nature and animal shows. I love learning about the world we live in and recent shows have done such great things to educate us (i.e. Planet Earth--amazing)

I'm going to get away from being at the computer. All I can think of now is: website! website! must finish website!

I might be going crazy. well, crazier.

Today was relatively eventful. I woke up and went to Soho to buy a new charger. When I was there I also decided to buy Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy for the desktop. I'm such a dork but I love those games. I'm pissed that once I got home the Jeopardy game turned out to be multiple choice!! I don't want help. Whatever, I might sell it on ebay. I wanted to buy Sims so badly but I KNOW that would be the hugest distraction ever. I'd be building houses and trying to prevent my players to not fight instead of doing work. Maybe another time :)

I finally came to a conclusion on my homepage. Well, at least the design aspect of it. I like it. It's very me. I showed it to three people already. one being my mom. My mom wasn;t very impressed but she never seems to be. The other impressions were good, I think. Well one of them was good :) It's O.K. the direction is something that I am satisfied with.

It's like 11:40 now and I feel like it's 3am. I'm tired.

Great news: after two days I worked out again. Yay.

I am SOOOOOO hungry right now even after eating a bushel of frozen blueberries. (Frozen blueberries are AMAZING by the way)

I might see a movie tonight or work on my website some more. I feel good right now.

I also saw some of Miss Universe. The finalists are ALWAYS hispanic countries. I wonder why. politics? Possibly. Miss USA FELL AGAIN!!!! just like last year. You KNOW she was thinking "don't fall like that bitch from last year" constantly in her head and then karma got her.

You will see this all over Youtube tomorrow. Of course.


Food. Now.
:)

No job.

I am sort of working on my portfolio website. Not going so great. I think I have decided to make it one page because it's so much easier that way and simple which I always tend to go for.

I saw Hellboy II today. It was good. Better than the first I thought. The characters were so interesting. The only thing that's a bit problematic in that movie is the script and some of the acting. Visually, it was amazing.

This little kid came along with Franda's friend. (twas his kid) I thought I was going to be annoyed 'cause I hate kids that go crazy but he was so cute. He kept on wanting to sit on my lap and made me close his eyes when he was scared. Was funny.

I didn't do that much today. I think my camera is lost for good. I can't remember that last time I had it.

I ate soup dumplings! I was so fuckin' messy with them and of course Franda was an angel with her annoying neatness. Not one drop was spilled on her plate. Cut to me with juice all over my face and sticky fingers. I wanted Pinkberry afterwards so badly but I decided against it. I need to stop eating junk. I haven't lost any real weight and I need to feel comfortable for once in my own fuckin' skin. I hate being the way I am. I want to be free. Feel great and sexy shirtless. It takes hard work and I am sort of working on it. I'm not all into it like I should be but I am doing something at least. I run a lot and sort of do weights (half-assedly)

Ok, I'm going to stop this now. I am tired but I'm not sleeping. Why? 'Cause I'm a fuckin' idiot.

Guten Nahten.

I'm feeling kind of anxious right now. My heart is beating really fast and I sorta want to throw up. I think it's 'cause I'm thinking about getting a job mixed with other things.

You know what I don't enjoy? When people correct my writing. I usually end up feeling like an idiot. I know I don't know how to write and those who tend to correct my stuff have so many things to say. It's O.K. we can't excel in everything :)

I want to see Hellboy II and I have never seen the first one so I was going to see it online but coincidentally it was being played on FX last night. It was good. I liked it. Selma Blair is such a weird actress. I like her but I feel that she can only play one type of character. The sarcastic one.

I couldn't sleep last night especially since my feet were burning up even though I had the air conditioning on. It was kind of weird.

I'm watching Sister, Sister. It's so funny. Oh, have the times passed so quickly.

Can I just find a job that requires me sleeping every second of every day? :)

Are you ready Anthony to start releasing your inner creativity? You are going to be so creative from now on that you won't know what to do with yourself. It's spewing, it's spewing!!! from every crevice in my body. I can't control it.

I suddenly became affirmation boy.

Yay! The Lord and Taylor guy answered my e-mail. He wants me to send him my portoflio so I did. I hope the people don't throw up all over themselves when they see it. I am hopeful even though I shouldn't have any expectations because that usually leads to disappointment. Anthony! you might be getting a job! woohoo. Ok, I'm done being happy for it.

I saw the documentary Sicko last night. What a great film. I cried with the 9/11 sections. 9/11 still makes me weep. The movie was also very depressing. It made me realize how corrupt and money-hungry the politicians and heads of America are.

I haven't worked out in forever. After this entry I am going to workout, thought my stomach is so hungry right now. Maybe I'll eat something light before doing so.

I hung out with Franda yesterday and we say the movie Last Mistress. I was expecting this great ending because her other movie, Fat Girl had an amazing ending. The movie up till the very end was so good. I think it was visually so pleasing. The actors were good to. They fit their roles so well; even the way they looked was perfect. I wish I knew French. lucky bastards.

So I deicded to take Shana to her friends place. I decided to be brave and drive for more than an hour to somewhere I have never been. I would feel guilty otherwise and I mean, it's the nice thing to do. I made such a big deal of it to Shana mainly because I didn't want her to think I was being annoying and I wanted to do it but I just felt uneasy about it. ANXIIEETYYY. haha. id.

My stomach hurts so much. I need to eat NOW!

I wonder what I will do today. Probably not that much. So You Think You Can Dance is on tonight so woohoo for that.

Ok, this is over. I'm going to binge.

I just watched Sex and the City. Though I did have to see it in parts and the quality wasn't good and the last 20 mins the sound was delayed and I think i missed 10 mins of it. Overall, it was great. I loved it.

It gave me such hope. Hope for love, hope for a better future, hope for a happy ending.

This is why I love movies. I love the world it puts me in after I watch them.

Let's hope tomorrow won't be so boring/annoying/iwanttoslitmywrists as today.

Journal, you are my friend. my lover. you give me such pleasure.

I sometimes have conversations(in my head and a little not in my head) with someone. This someone is the person that is so perfect for me, who would love me no matter what, with all my pros and cons. Not even a face forms in my head. Just a person. Someone who will always be there. I might be going crazy and maybe it's starting to become borderline imaginary person situation but it makes me happy and that's all that matters.

If only happiness could come more often. Life would be such a better place.

Okay, I'm going to bed. I hope I wake up at a decent hour so I can go to the bank/work out and do something productive. I am going nowhere fast. I am trying to work on my portfolio and it hasn't gone anywhere yet. But my business card is coming along and I like it.

end.

There is always a fuckin' fight in my house. We don't know how to speak to each other. I can't wait to leave.

I also hate the fact that my parents do not respect privacy at all and that my brother makes bad decisions and has no friends so I have to take him wherever I go like he is my 6 yr old baby brother.

So, I woke up really late today again. shocking.

Last night I hung out with two friends from high school. Well, the only people I really keep in touch from high school. Christina and Jyoti. It was much fun. We talked a lot in Starbucks and then went to Malba to watch the NYC skyline. How romantic :) I take all my bitches there...haha.

My brother brought over 10 "friends" last night to the house. They were outside drinking and eating. I tried to go to sleep because I had a big feeling something bad was going to happen since I don't know any of these people and my brother just has trouble saying "no" to people. Good thing nothing happened.

I learned how to jump start a card yesterday. Nice to know if I ever get stuck somewhere.

I tried watching Sex and the City last night via bootlegged online streaming video but it kept on freezing because the buffering was so slow. What I saw though (not even 20 mins) was very good.

There are so many movies I want to see. I can't ever watch too many movies.

I was going to fix my debit card, aka get a new one but I thought my dad was using the car but it turns out he never left with it. Since I have gotten a new battery from apple, the computer has been overheating more. Just now the bettery died for like a second. I'm scurreddd to the murredd.

Ok, I'm going to go. I should really work out today. WORK OUT ANTHONY!! DO IT!!

OK. I will. I hate it. :( I'm clying a river.

I am still home; 6 hrs after my parents left. I should go out. But what to do?? I can go to that movie theater but I don't feel like watching a movie. I'm sitting here on my computer watching the Harry Potter movie marathon and cooking some food.

Marianna called me. woohoo. Her life at Dubai makes me laugh. It's entertaining. Her going there isn't as bad as we all made it to be. I talk to her more than when she went to Dartmouth. But I am sure I won't talk that much to her when she gets more works and travels to different countries. I should be working out but I'm not. I looked into the mirror and I am NOT satisfied at all with how I look. I'm not even comfortable to be shirtless by myself yet. I need to work on that. ANTHONY!! get it together!!

I wish I had more friends on livejournal so I could read their postings.

I am such a boring person. I bet that even if I was in Boston, I'd be sitting at my computer being bored.

----

Yay! My friend just IMed me. I forgot that I had her as an option to hang out. Woohoo. Adios Muchachos.

I'm trying new layouts for my livejournal. his one i sorta like. It's not as fancy as some of the other ones they have but I think it suits me better. The little "Goth guy" is so funny too. There is this one layout that i LOVE. I think I might pay the 2 dollars a month just to have it. It's called Horses.

So this morning I was awoken by my mom to her asking whether I wanted to go to Long Island and I said "no." She didn't seem to care, mainly because my brother is working so he can't go and also my aunt and uncle are joining them. I'm so glad I didn't go. Now I can do whatever I want, but what to do? Eat Pinkberry? Meet Zola in Manhattan? Sit home and do nothing? The latter will probably happen.

I'm such a boring person. I have had like 5 hrs of sleep and I'm not even that sleepy.

I remember whenever my parents left my brother and I alone at home when we were little (which didn't happen that often). As soon as they left we would yell, "PAAAAAARTYYYY!!" Ah, a life with little worry.

Hmmm....I wonder what I should do.

It's very late yet these birds I hear are not new to my ears. I have heard their chirping morning after morning. I have nothing serious to do tomorrow so I don't see a reason to wake up. I need that Lord and Taylor job really badly.

I saw the movie The Visitor with Franda today. It was so sad; pretty good. I love foreign actors. Of course Franda and I kept on whispering remarks to each other during the film, like how they 10 yr old kid in front of us kept on saying how "gay this movie is" or telling his mom to shut up. (parents, read the synopsis of a movie before you go with your family to see it. and don't bring your ignorant child to a movie theater that plays only independent movies that have greater depth than The Transformers) Franda and I kept on laughing whenever one o the character's names was called-- "Mouna" hahaha. too funny. we will never grow up.

I will be seeing Shana in two weeks. I miss her. I wonder what I should do wither her. No freakin' clue.
I still don't know if I am going to drive her to her friend's place. It's a pretty long drive. Her friend supposedly told her she had to take 3 trains and a cab (which would all amount to 40 dollars) to get to her place. I really doubt this since the LIRR is like 12-18 dollars and oyu don;t have to pay to transfer. I have no idea where this cab comes into play though. Maybe it's to go to her friends house? Maybe her friend or someone else should drive to pick her up. Gosh, she is their guest for crying out loud. Her friend doesn't want to do much because she is scared she might get caught by the Jew police if she moves a muscle after dark. Don't worry, you won't be shot if you try to help someone else. The rabbi will forgive you, I swear on Moses. :)

For some reason stuff like that pisses me off. I understand why someone would want to follow a tradition or religion but it is O.K. to stray away from it for a second. Your arms and feet won't get chopped off. People need to stop taking things--religion in particular-- so seriously. Do they realize they aren't supposed to take it word for word. It's all metaphors and shit. Yes, they want to feel good by sticking to a regime and not straying from it, but come on. Relax. Stop worrying about dumb things. I think some stuff just feed into people's OCDs. I also think that many people don't realize that they have religious OCD. I remember reading a book about a girl who had it. It has some term, one I can't think of now.

That was a satisfying vent. I feel much better. I like this livejournal thing. I have written in it everyday since I started and pretty lengthy entries. Nice work Antonios.

I have to renew my driver's license soon. Let's hope I won't look like a drug dealer this time.

I saw the movie Monster again. (well the last hour of it) The ending was so sad. Also kind of weird how Charlize transformed so much and not just appearance-wise. She did a very good acting job.

I wonder what tomorrow will have in store. I hope I won't get forced into going to Long Island at my neighbors summer house. There is nothing to do there but swim in the pool, eat and take long strolls leading to nowhere. The swimming part I woouldn't take part in until I get a nice body. When this nice body finally come to me?? I haven't worked out in 2 days. I should just to ab/weights before I go to bed every night but I don't.

I also started smoking. Bad me. I chained smoked 4 while watching Monster. It felt good though. Smoking makes me feel good in a weird way. It feeds into my stress and pensiveness.

Wow this entry is a lot longer than I thought it would be. I meant to type one sentence. Literally, haha.

I wonder how many people will actually read my entries. Probably just Brian. Hi Brian!! What's up? Quit that job of yours or are you a stinky popola???? haha. nasty.

I want to draw and write poems again. My creativity needs to be let out somehow. Just by looking at some ad books, my designs have gotten better. I need to be constantly drowned in stuff like that or else I have a feeling my "skill" will fade.

My neighbor who is my age had some friends come over his house at like 2am. Do his parents not care?? They were pretty loud too. My mom yells at me sometimes for not talking to him. We don't really have anything in common. He is really nice and we talk briefly when we see each other but that;s it. I don't think we'd ever hang out. He has his friends and I have my...friend. haha.

I hope I get to see The Last Mistress. The director is pretty cool. She made this movie called Fat Girl with a killer ending and supposedly so does her latest film. I can't wait to see it. I almost saw it today but we were like 15 mins late. Next time. I love that theater. There is this movie called Brick Lane that comes out soon (about some Indian woman). It looks really good. If I could act or direct I would definitely be in the movie business. It's such a fascinating field.

Ok, I am really tired to the point of throw up.

Guten Nahten.

I woke up at 2:30 today without even noticing. How horrible. I need a job.

I was watching Harry Potter (the first one) on TV today. What a great movie. That movie motivated me to read the books. I never read the first book though (Shhhhh! don't tell anyone) I will soon probably.

When it comes to mates I am so unlucky. I meet someone that appears to be such a great match for me and they leave unexpectedly. It's my fault though for always, always having expectations. It's something I can't get rid of. But I am sure someone else will come along and this cycle will continue.

I can't wait to hang out with Franda. What a great release. Especially since I have seen her twice in the past 3 weeks.

I saw Hancock online (yes, bootlegged). It got horrible reviews but I thought it was fine. It was actually pretty good. Better than I expected. Will Smith annoys me sometimes as an actor mainly because he comes off as a cocky asshole but not an obvious one. a very subtle one.

What to do later? Pinkberry or movies? If I pick movies I'd probably see Wanted. Mainly because I saw the first 5 mins online and it looks very good.

I designed some business cards, which I actually really like because I think they look good and represent who I am in an accurate way. You know you are happy with a design you made when someone says they don't like it and you don't care.

I want Eurovision to come back. I was so obsessed. I read System of a Down wants to represent Armenia in the condition that they can publicize the genocide that was brought upon them from the Ottoman Empire. I think it's cool that they are trying to get more people aware of it so that Turkey can finally admit what they have done but it's not a place for Eurovision. Eurovision is supposed to unite Europe with song, not destroy it. And Turkey gave Armenia 7 points this year. I know that doesn't make up for the thousands if not millions slaughtered but it's a step in the right direction, no?

Sirusho did such a great job. She was placed in a crappy number and yet she came in 4th. And she didn't have any props unlike the top 3. Her accomplishment was amazing. Qele Qele!!....
I was watching Greece again and she was SO GOOD! She should have won. no doubt. If Greece came after Russia, she would have done better than 3rd. At least 2nd and close to 1st. I can't believe she made top 3. I was expecting 6th-9th place. I love Kalomira! Let's hope Greece doesn't fuck up their amazing top 10 streak next year. But I have faith in them. Though, they might try to go the non-pop direction and do a ballad. It better be good! Bring Protopsalti!!!!

Enough of that.

So, Harry potter rules, Eurovision is amazing, love is a bitch and Pinkberry is sooooooo gooood.

Ok. I haven't written on here in a while but I will not overview on my 4 yrs absence since that would take too long and nothing that exciting has happened except that I graduated and even that event was pretty mundane especially since I was more excited about Eurovision (which was amazing that Greece did so well but sucks that countries like Portugal didn't do so great)....

It is the 4th of july and I think my family is having a barbecue which means there will be people coming over. Probably random older people. My best friends won't be here 'cause one has her own family problems and the other is in Dubai for 2 yrs. I miss you Mariano :(

Since Marianna has gone and Franda is too annoyed by her mom who yells at her every time she goes out, I have learned to hang out with other people like Kanika, Zola and Lauren. It was fun with them. I thought I wasn't going to see anyone from BU ever again but I guess I was wrong.

So life at home. Hmmm... I will spare the details because I don't want anyone (including myself) to feel sorry for, well, myself. Let's just say that there is some random tension. Some people have made BAD decisions and I can't wait to get a good paying job so I can move out of here. I need to start on my own life. Even though typing this entry in my backyard surrounded by all these plants is so relaxing and I couldn't feel anymore comfortable. Let's just hope I'm not scarping the bottom of garbage cans for food in the future.

Finding a job is a lot harder than I thought it would be. Not that I have ever really passed the interview process of anything yet. Some offer at Lord and Taylor seems promising but we shall see. It probably will make me fall flat on my face as always. But if I am to get anywhere I should stop being so negative though it comes so natural to me. I think it all comes from my childhood, which I can vaguely remember.

ooooooo, nice breeze out here. This is so nice. Too bad four-hundred and one bugs are climbing on me.

So I have finally started to work out. I have been going on the tredmill regularly and i JUST started doing crunches. I wonder how long this will last and if I will see any results. So far I have seemed to gain weight but I think I look sliiiightly better than before. Probably to tell.

CRAP! a bug bit me. not cool.

I recently learned about this artist called Justin Nozuka and I really like his song. Check him out: http://youtube.com/watch?v=8vWPUeQ9TmA

Wow bugs are eating my legs alive.

So where should I go for vacation? It would be nice to go somewhere with Franda but since she can't even step out for 6 mins I don't see that happening. Maybe Dubai? but then I won't have money for a laptop. Do I reallllly need a new laptop? I don't know. Maybe not? Do I really want to spend 20 hrs in a plane? I don't know either. and spend like 1700 on a ticket. If I get a job I will buy a new laptop but if I don't then I will go somewhere. I really do need to escape a little. I hate being bored. well, I mostly don't like being bored when people nag me.

I miss my Netflix films SO much. those foreign indie films are my closest friends. I get so lost in some of those films. I am a sucker for those depressing artsy films. Maybe I will continue getting them.

Mmmmmmm....the barbecue smells so good. I'm such a fatty boomebedlady.

I should do some creative. I feel like my creativity is slowly seeping out of every pore. I should draw, paint, designing graphics or even write a poem. I wish I could write well but I really can't. I was looking through my past files and came across this one piece I wrote for my class and I remember being so proud of it but even though she gave me a good grade, the writing was crap. I could never write. I could never comprehend a lot of things that most did when they read novels/stories. I was more of a math person but now even that is fading away. I haven't practiced math in such a long time. I wasn't even that good at it, just good enough to say I was above average. I constantly wonder how life would be if I went to a different college. I should have researched colleges more thoroughly before I went and I shouldn't have been so stubborn when it came to going to the best school possible. I should have just applied to state schools. Oh well, you live, you learn as Alanis would say.

I feel bad for anyone who has to read this. I'm sure it's very incoherent and disjunctive.
But overall it was a very good release and that's all that matters.

Wow what a good song. That Justin Nozuka is amazing. I hope his other songs are just as good.

I wish I could go to Greece this summer but not see a single relative (except for like two cousins and my maternal grandfather) The day he dies will be such a sad day for me. He is such a smart, great guy (I feel like most grandfathers have that description) I want to go to the beaches and just sit there and eat at the local taverns. The smells of Greece are much missed. Greece is a beautiful country. Too bad its inhabitants are sometimes idiots.

haha, idiots. I tend to call almost everything an idiot. My sarcasm and I guess anger comes out a lot. It sucks 'cause I can never meet someone. I am always nonrrelatable.

So, a huge problem I have been having these past weeks are my neighbors FUCKIN' DOGS!!
She lets them out at like 8am every day and they bark at anything that comes by. Oh, ya, did I forget to mention they are fuckin' three of them?? Leave those dogs inside. Why are they outside to begin with in this 100 degree weather? I am always awoken by them. It's even annoying when I am just in my room trying to relax (form doing nothing).

There are days where I want to give up on advertising and graphic design all together. I want to just do something that will give me loads of money. But some days I just feel so inspired and so happy that I could be in a graphic/advertising field. I have my moments. I hope it all works for the better.

Yummy. I am smelling cooked hot dogs right now and I want one more than anything. It's funny how they are made up of like pig tails and cow hooves and everything else in between. I guess shit cooked tastes good.

Lately I have been having such crazy dreams. Not really what they contain but the fact that they seems SOOOOOO REAL. It's scary. I also need to stop dreaming like I am on LSD. (I have never tried it but I am guessing that's how it would feel) I feel like I am high sometimes to the max. I can;t pick up my head and everything is very shroomy (if that makes sense). It's very scary. I wonder if it has to do with my substance trials from the past. I tried looking it up but I can't find answers. I am sure i have some hole in my brain.

I thought I was done typing this entry 30 mins ago. I just feel in such a type-y mood. Especially 'cause I feel so comfortable but I think it's going to rain very soon or at least drizzle and I don't think that would be the best for my laptop.

Some vague words to leave you off:

The fastest runner is only as fast as the slowest walker.

There are two type of people in this world: those who are and those who aren't

hey,

whoever yelled at me for posting the same thing twice...i didnt write the same thing twice and if i did there is a glinch the computer. and i havent asked before to switch into creative writing so read what i write entirely before you say anything. thanks.

--Adonis--

hey,

I am going to be living in a single in 517 beacon st. and i wanted to know how the singles typically are there. i'm going to be on the 2nd floor.

and to he who posted to my previous question. i am a rising junior and i want to take creative writing just to fill my english requirement. i have taken wr100 150 and c0201. anyway....

if anyone has any info on 517 beacon st, leave a comment. thanks :)

--Adonis--

heyyyyyyy people who don't read this. It's ok I don't do this for others I do it for myself. I'm just really bored right now and I have nothing to do. I'm watching room raiders. BOOOORED.

I don't really like my parents. They don't trust me and will never accept me. They are not fulfilling their duties as being my parents. I can't change that so I guess I'll deal till I move out. They have been asking for my grades on paper. I have told them my grades but they don't trust me. What losers!
I want to live by myself so badly. I'm scared thought because I need to find a good job and I have a feeling I won't be able to find one. I hope I do super duper uber well this upcoming year because I really need to higher my GPA for many reasons. My dad said I might get pulled from going to BU but I don't want to even though that school causes so many problems for me. It's just that BU has a great communication department for advertising and I am not going to get a better job if I go to city college. I just want my life to work out for once because so far it has been a mess. Bad childhood, bad junior high school and not that good high school years, and now the beginning of college have been my worst years yet. I need to straighten many things out. Life is so complicated and complex. STOP LIFE! thanks :)

I love Franda she is the coolest person:)

I also love Harry Potter.