Idiot-Free Zone

when it mutha fuckin' rains, it mutha fuckin' pours.

Wed, 10 Sep 2008 22:02:15 GMT

i went for my interview yesterday. its right on bryant park. where some of my friends work too. this week is fashion week so there are all these people there. it was interesting.

i had trouble finding the place aka for like 4 mins. because the number tot he building just stand alone on a wall with 2 stores next to it. the entrance is on the side. i was in front of the entrance for a little but until i decided to go in. i didn't know it was going to be so official and as fancy as it was. when i went up (after getting a visitors pass with my face on it of course) i walk in and saw this hot secretary. like model hot. i met the guy and he seemed nice and friendly. we talked and strangely enough i was the most myself then i have been in all my interviews. he saw my portfolio and liked it and hired me on the spot. he probably hated all the other interns or saw something he liked in me :) i like to think the latter. also, his other intern goes to BU so maybe he thinks i'll be just as good. watch me be a complete and utter failure. hahaha. i won't 'cause i am too cool. i start this tuesday. watch me go in and my first assignment will be to make a logo. urg. i would die. no. i would kiss his feet and thank shiva and then die.

so, today I i saw 2 friends i haven't seen in forever. they were greek school friends and also our parents used to hang out. the younger one got better looking. the other one still seemed the same even after the nose surgery.

lately my head has been hurting. random migraines. not very strong painful ones just feels like i haven't eaten when i have. maybe it's my weird sleep schedule.

ok, i will take 2 motrins, do some logos and then mabe nap. all before 8pm so i can see my shows :)

counting sheep is for the dogs.

Tue, 09 Sep 2008 07:19:29 GMT

i can't sleep. it's not because of nerves for my interview. it's because of my bad sleep schedule. what's funny is that at 10:30 i was really tired but when i went to bed a few hours later i couldn't sleep. now i am up with only 5 hrs. to go. great.

wish me luck or die.

Tue, 09 Sep 2008 02:45:15 GMT

eek. i have an interview tomorrow. i am excited to be going to Manhattan. i haven't been in what seems forever. now that i think of it...it has been probably a month or so. this job opportunity seems promising. i don't know why. maybe it's because i want it. their portfolio looks good. i was trying to get my portfolio ready for them. my stuff is not good. seriously. it's times like these where i doubt my selected path in life. i hope i chose the right one. i just looked right now at my portfolio to see if it was better than when i last saw it haha. no. :(

maybe i am who they want. i won't think about it too much. if i don't get picked up by them someone else will. THINK POSITIVE! :)

i miss being in school. all i had to do was hw and not worry too much about the "real world."

last night i was watching the vmas and i was so annoyed by almost everyone on there. why does little wayne need to have his shorts down to his knees with his briefs showing. he probably thinks he is so cool. all these celebrities are in a fake world. they don;t know what it is to be a normal person (this has nothing to do with having your pants down to your knees). they do and say things thinking someone is watching them. and someone is. all the time. it's our fault. ok, i'm done with this topic.

i am such an intolerant person.

i am tired and it's not even 11 yet. maybe that is good since i have to be up at like 8:30.

i want to go to the beach again before summer ends but i know i won't end up going. :( oh, well. i wonder what franda is up to. we haven't spoken in a few days.

if the interview goes well tomorrow i'll go eat pinkberry. if it doesn't go well....i'll go get pinkberry :)

i can see myself smoking my head off tomorrow. yes, i have gone back to smoking. not much, just back to doing it. i shouldn't be doing it but it actually puts me at ease. my favorite time to do it is when i watch movies. depressing foreign ones. :)

ookkkkkk. time to be the coolest person at that agency tomorrow. they'll love me and i'll love them.

dancing and logoing.

Sun, 07 Sep 2008 04:14:59 GMT

Today was my first time watching eurovision dance. well, it is the 2nd time they are doing it. it was interesting. it lasted about an hour and a halfish as opposed to eurovision song contest's 3 hrs. first they voted with jury and then people called in. the jury made greece 2nd but combined with the televote, greece dropped to 7th out of 14. so half. i found it weird that greece got such high marks from the jury because they had a wardrobe malfunction. i was also surprised that they places poland in 6th when i thought they were the clear winners. but turns out, at the end...poland won. they deserved it.

so, logos and such. i have been doing some. i haven't been drowning in it though like i have been the past week. i have finally come up with a logo that got decent amount of views from other people. out of the like 70-80 logos maybe 4 are more viewed than mine and out of those 4 i think i only have to worry about 2 of them. i think my logo is good enough but we shall see. it's ok if i don't win. it will probably make me work harder. but i have talked and thought so much about it that it probably won't turn out for the better. but we shall see. it's in the air.

i have an interview tuesday with a company i think i like. i won't have any expectations because that always kills it for me. i will just go, talk and leave and see what happens. i sort of like being home and doing nothing. reminds me of college. when i would just do hw and watch tv and just sleep. twas a great life. i should have gone out more in college but it still was ok that i didn't. i was fine just sitting home watching my foreign films. oh, how i miss them. i still have netflix but no longer 3 at a time. now it's just one. the last movie i saw was 4 months, 3 weeks and 2 days. it's a movie about illegal abortion in a communist romanian world. it was interesting because the main character was a good actor and it was one of the films that didn't have a lot of dialogue. a lot of the movie was just visuals (as in seeing the actors reactions)....at least that's how i remember it.

so, what else? i have been playing sudoku like no other. i love it. i miss franda and marianna. i want to hang out with them. yes, marianna is in dubai but she will hopefully come in a month or so to visit. franda started school and is looking for a job so i don't know if i'll see her as much as i used to :(

i think my lady gaga-just dance phase has passed. i was OBSESSED with that song for 4 days straight. it shot up to my most played list in no time.

i am debating wether to fall asleep or watch a movie. i saw capote yesterday. at first i was annoyed that i couldn't understand what he was saying but then it got better. it was a sad movie. was pretty good. he deserved that best actor award.

an interview??!!

Tue, 02 Sep 2008 21:53:31 GMT

i think i haven't written in livejournal for a while because i got my computer and it occupies me a lot. i love it by the way. it's like my little baby :)

i went to the beach yesterday. i didn't get sunburned. yes! it was fun. the waves were so much fun. though, i did hate constantly feeling like my skin was being eaten by a virus. i think invisible jellyfish were stinging everyone. everyone was scratching themselves in the beach but the waves were too tempting for anyone to not be in the water.

so i found a really cool website. it's called logosauce.com. i get to compete in logo competitions. it's so cool. i have been dedicating my time to it a lot. i love making logos. a lot of people on that site are really good. i don't know if i'll ever win a competition but i will try like crazy, that's for sure. (ps, i think i might have mentioned this 2 postings ago but im not sure, oh well)

i got an email from a branding company to come in for an interview next week. WOOHOO!! hopefully something happens with this company. they seem cool and i like their stuff.

I can't believe it's september already. wow.

OK, off to eat. ciao.

WOW!

Wed, 27 Aug 2008 13:53:16 GMT

I HAVE MY NEW FUCKIN' LAPTOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S SO CLEAN AND PRETTY AND AMAZING!! IT'S MY LITTLE BABY. NOTHING BETTER HAPPEN TO IT OR ELSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOHOO!! IT WAS SUPPOSED TO COME TOMORROW BUT I GUESS IT AND I HAVE SUCH A STRONG CONNECTION THAT IT CAN'T BE APART FROM ME FOR TOO LONG. AW, I LOVE YOU BABY. IF YOU HAD A HOLE WE WOULD BE HAVING SEX RIGHT NOW. :)

the end of an era. (or week)

Tue, 26 Aug 2008 17:28:27 GMT

the Olympics are over! sad but true. Greece won a 4th medal. a silver. when? their last game of the olympics. that's when. way to keep me on my toes guys. :)

one thing to obsessive over has left but another may be in sight. even though eurovision begins in may the hype, news and selection processes begin much earlier. bulgaria is supposedly having their first show to pick an artist October 1st. that's seriously a month from now. how insane? very. i was so engulfed in eurovision madness last time. it was like i was sick. i guess i do have an obsessive nature. oh, well.

what else has happened? i went to the beach with franda on saturday and of course i got burned. only because the last few times i have been to the beach/pool i was obsessively applying sun block and i never got tan so i thought that one application would suffice but i didn't. my upper back and calves got burned. my back is feeling much better but my calves still ache a little when they come in contact with anything. it's funny because one scratch to the skin is felt 6 seconds later. odd but painful. it's scary to put on clothes sometimes. though, the pain leaves fairly quickly.

the business cards i ordered for my neighbor came. i sort of don't like them. i have to redo them. also, there were these 2 noticeable lines on them. very annoying.

my laptop has yet to come. i did order it not too long ago (friday i think) but the UPS tracking system says it's still in China. what the fuck? first off, it's weird to me that it's coming from there (yes, they probably make it there but if they kept some stock in the usa it would be here by now) it says it's in transit still in shanghai, china. great. it's ok i guess. when it comes it will be more exciting.

i saw some great movies recently. vicky christina barcelona, elegy and oldboy. i LOVE penelope cruz. i used to hate her for some reason but in the past few years i have come to love her so much. she is in a lot of my favorite movies. vicky christina barcelona is definitely going on my favorite list. it's great. elegy was pretty good too. one might say very good. oldboy was odd but fascinating. the story line was interesting (quite odd) and the cinematography was great.

so, no jobs yet. no one fuckin' wants me. they can go all fuck themselves.

a lot of my shows are going to come around again. like grey's anatomy, HEROES, pushing daisies, antm and others. i'm sure i will be free with no job so i'll be able to watch them. what's weird is that this summer as an excuse not to do anything. 'cause people go on vacation and relax over the summer. but now that the school year is coming and i can't go back to school, things will be much different. scary. what will i be doing?

right this second i am frustrated. frustrated because of many things. i hate that i am a desperate person. i hate feeling like the lesser person. it pains me.

marianna is coming in about 3 weeks or so. i am very excited. i miss her. i envy her beach-side apartment. :(

ok, i'm going to apply for some jobs before i go crazy.

FUCK!

Fri, 22 Aug 2008 01:17:30 GMT

Greece!! Why are you always losing??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!!

my precious is due at any moment.

Fri, 22 Aug 2008 01:08:04 GMT

Last night i went to bed at 2am but i couldn't sleep because of my restless leg syndrome. yes! i have it and it's not a fake thing. my legs couldn't stay still. it was painful. it comes and goes. it used to be worse.

so i went to go get my neighbors birthday cake (the same amazing cake i had for mine). i went a little out of my way but that's ok. i wanted to go. i parked my car outside of coldstone for like 2 minutes to buy the cake and of course a "cop" wrote me up a ticket. i told him i went in for a minute and he said he knows 'cause he was following me from across the street. i didn't want to feed into his authoritative position so i said "whatever, do what you got to do" and then smiled and said "thank you" when he gave me the ticket and slammed the door shut. what a fuckin' idiot. it was fuckin' 155 dollars. just after i spent a shit load on my new laptop.

it's ok. my new laptop is coming very soon! i am very happy. excited. and my business cards are coming tomorrow.

this greek girl is competing in taekwando as we speak right now. i hope she wins. she got the silver in 2004 but a lot can change in 4 years. i wish her luck :) GIA TEIN ELLADA RE GAMOTO!!

spankin' new laptop! and Greece still is disappointing.

Thu, 21 Aug 2008 19:47:16 GMT

so greece can't seem to win another medal. they either come last place or just ALMOST get a medal placing in like 4th and 5th place. i was impressed though that this greek guy was ranked 14th in table tennis in the world out of maaaanyyy people. he won his first round but then just missed the semifinals. he also did go against the 2nd ranked person. sucks. greece feel on their faces in sailing after being on top. greece has no real hope in athletics anymore. they had many people in track and field but nothing really came of it. it's ok. we still have taekwando which greece has won 2 medals last olympics with the people they have now. maybe something good will come. but it's ok if they don't. i had fun following them and watching them place and play. it filled my days. made me almost forget i don't have a job or money of my own. in 4 years it will be better for greece because they will just have to do better than like 3 medals unlike this year when they had to beat their previous record of 16 medals. maybe they will learn a thing or two about doping too. DON'T DO IT!! make new young hopefuls will emerge. who knows. we shall see. good luck in 2012 greece!!

so for my birthday my mom bought me a laptop. fairly overpriced but i will have it forever so it made sense. especially since i will be using it for work. i am happy.

the business cards for my neighbor that i designed are coming tomorrow. i am happy for that.

there are these funny shirts online that i want to buy. they make me laugh.

....

Wed, 20 Aug 2008 04:56:47 GMT

By the way, my birthday cake had an ellipses on it! it said "Happy Birthday....."

huh??!!what does that mean?? it was so odd. very very strange. i guess it fit me perfectly.

birthday shmirthday

Wed, 20 Aug 2008 04:18:52 GMT

My birthday was yesterday. How was it? not very birthday-y. I did nothing the whole day until about 9pm. No one was home. I was basically by myself most of my birthday, following the olympics. watching greece not do so great. can they please give me something for my birthday. i don't care if it's a bronze. anyway..... i bought a beautiful chocolate cake. the best cake i have ever had that i can remember. it was amazing. an all chocolate cake from coldstone. when i was taking it out so people can wish me happy birthday--pause!...i bought my own birthday cake. how pathetic--someone went out to go get me a cake because they thought i didn't get one so they made me put it back 'cause someone else went out to go get me one and thought he would get pissed if he left for no reason. bullshit. i was upset until i tasted the cake and it was good enough to make me not care anymore (cookies and cream with white poundcake) of course we all ate the other cake when that guy left. i got some money from my neighbor and a gift certificate to MACY'S from my friend. i didn't even get to see franda 'cause it was her brother's birthday too. it was sad but it's ok.

i still have been watching the olympics a lot. i am sleep deprived and my head hurts because of it. the olympics ending will make me sad but at the same time i can focus on my life again haha. i love watching sialing the most. not watching it on TV but online. i can track to see who is leading. Greece has a chance to win a medal in it but so many others are so close to their score. greece was 3rd but now is 6th with 3 more races to go. they are 6th with only 6 points below the 3rd place (that's not much). greece was leading in this last race. they were first but fell. how sad. greece also lost in like 4 other events tonight. i need them to do well! gosh! get one more medal and i'll be happy! make it an even medal count please! thanks :)

i am so hot right now. this hot laptop is too much. i can't wait for a new laptop.

i need to get a fuckin' job!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! someone help me. PLEASE!!

URG!

Mon, 18 Aug 2008 14:53:39 GMT

Greece couldn't have given me a worse birthday gift. He came in first in the qualifications in long jump and then fucked up everything in the final. you get THREE chances to get a good score and he fucked it up. let me rephrase, you get THREE chances to get ANY score. he got NO score on all three chances (that means he probably stepped over the line each time) what a fuckin' idiot. the only chance of greece getting a gold and he fucked it up. THANKS! i am LOVING this birthday already.

GREECE'S FIRST MEDAL!!!!

Sun, 17 Aug 2008 06:19:22 GMT

What a happy moment. So, after 8 days of competition Greece gets their first medal. a bronze in Yngling Sailing. The US was so close to beating them cause they were one point away but in the last race the US came in 5th so they were no longer a threat.

I found an amazing website. I didn't know the official olympics website would give you up to date details of everything that's going on. like right then and there when is' happening. i know this seems obvious for them to do it but nevertheless it still amazed me. i, for some reason thought wikipedia was the fastest one. ya freakin' right. wikipedia left out half of the greek olympic team out haha.

I have no idea why it's taking the website to officially claim Greece won 3rd but during the race it said they were 3rd overall. (in sailing the teams usually race 8-10 races and the top 10 qualify to the medal race where that score is doubled and added to the original score--at least i think that's how it works). I hope Greece placed 3rd. the official thing not showing up is making me second guess myself.

athletics (track and field as it's called sometimes) is what Greece is the most strong in. They are doing pretty well in some of them. Some greek guy placed 1st in the long jump in qualifications and a woman placed 2nd in the triple jump qualifications (she won silver in 2004). and the lady who hold the olympic record for 400m hurdle race is in this olympics too! i didn't know that. i hope she wins. yay. i am so happy right now. the olympics makes me so happy. and amazingly it has made me bond with my dad. maybe 'cause i sort of seem obsessed with sports right now and i am showing lots of greek pride hahaha.

what's funny to me is how my theory of greek people living in extremes is only further justified in these olympics. i am watching their qualifications and such and they are either placed first or second or dead last. seriously. it makes me laugh inside.

URG! i keep on checking the "official" results and nothing is showing up. wow. i seriously have a very obsessive competitive nature. what can i say, i'm a leo.

oh, fuck. speaking of leo. it's my birthday tomorrow. crap. wow. i completely forgot (almost) what should i do???????????? probably hang out with franda. maybe go see a play??!! (maybe if i pay for frandas ticket and even if i can i am sure she wouldn't accept it)....or maybe some TAKO SU AND NY ROLL!!! (japanese food) then again, i have had that twice this week hahaha. but it's amazing!! woohoo. yay. i get to be 22!! why am i excited?? 'cause it's an even palindrome!! this won't happen again until 20 years from now. aw, my first even palindrome birthday. anthony, i wish you the bets of luck this year. hopefully someone will realize how talented you are and offer you an amazing job. :)

life begins.

Olympic-fuckin'-mania

Fri, 15 Aug 2008 03:25:12 GMT

I can't stop watching the Olympics and I don't care. I was just watching fencing and it was SO intense. I love the noises they make after they make a hit. It's this super gratifying scream that would give anyone chills. well it was down to ukraine and china and ukraine was trailing in double digits and she ended up catching up and winning. you need 45 points to win and she caught up and the last "round" was a tie. 44 to 44. it made me happy. for some reason i love sports during the olympics. i don't know what it is. i think a lot of has to do with the countries. it gives me a sense of unity and competition (i think that's an oxymoron) i also get a thrill out of obsessively following something and looking up statistics. i should have majored in statistics 'cause i could look up numbers and past histories of mostly anything and i would never get bored. i don't know what it is. but i enjoy it.

i also just got a huge rush because i found out there are a lot more competitors than wikipedia shows for Greece. Wikipedia failed to put down track and field stuff for Greece for some reason and i thought there was a mistake but wasn't really sure till now. Greece is still continuing to disappoint. It sucks but the stuff they are good at are coming soon. they did lose to USA in basketball, which was very annoying but it's OK, i think Greece will still qualify. I watched the first quarter and got an anxiety attack 'cause Greece was losing so I went back to sleep. Hopefully Greece's first medal will come soon.

I am also upset that only the USA and China are really televised. I know it's impossible to follow everything and everyone and i am living in the US but i would like to see more of Greece.

Fuck looking for jobs.

Greece-0 World-894329329320

Wed, 13 Aug 2008 05:42:18 GMT

So, it's the 5th day of the Olympics and Greece hasn't won anything and has been showing potential in few sports. Hopefully something good will come soon. It sucks 'cause a lot of the things they are good at are later in the Olympics.

I have been watching the Olympics so much. Michael Phelps of course has a million medals now. The gymnastics were interesting. I loved the Chinese teams. They were amazing. I can;t wait for track & field. I love those events. I also enjoy weightlifting. Greece is super good at weightlifting but mos tof the team has not been able to come due to failing drug tests. I think like 10 of them didn't make it, which is crazy.

I am very tired right now. i have been looking for jobs non-stop lately. hopefully something good will come. i am pretty negative at this point but that shouldn't stop me. I am very scared for my future. oh, well. such is life.

I can't wait to see Vicky Cristina Barcelona. I also want to see Wanted again.

I wanted to type more in this entry but I am way too tired.

By the way, I saw all of Heroes Season 2. what a great show. I can't wait for the next season.

My birthday is in less than a week. I don't know what to feel about it. i also don't know what i will be doing. probably not that much.

eh3firehi4t2jopgrebgiwhr329uty430grhior9urg3y0ehiqjr2o3ptu49gry308heioj2pr3o2490g3rheojor31u2hgirojor3r132higrowjr312hgiruoijr32hgiruoj3r1u92hgirweoqnwru9efwhiofn

OLYMPICS.

Mon, 11 Aug 2008 04:23:43 GMT

So, the Olympics have started and I can't be more excited. The opening ceremony was amazing. The games themselves are also great. For some reason I love watching every game. No matter how dull it may seem outside of the Olympic madness. Sailing, fun? yes! I love it all.

It's really funny to me that a lot of these swimmers are breaking records left and right. One team beat the world record by 4 seconds. do you know how much 4 seconds is in swimming? A LOT! It's funny that a few other swimming teams (it was a relay race) were ahead of the record too. The French swimmers said they were going to "smash" the Americans and they gave like a nanosecond behind them. it was funny. i sort of wanted France to win just because USA wins everything and Phelps annoys me because he wins everything. I like seeing the underdogs winning. It's the best.

I was watching the women's gymnastics. they all have super muscle-y bodies with no boobs. This one lady is 33 and in the sport. which is funny because everyone else is around 16. but she is still amazing. I want to see track and field and diving/synchronized swimming and weightlifting all these other sports. everything is so very exciting during the Olympics. One year I will go. It will be in London in 4 years and i always have wanted to visit. maybe if i have money (and someone who wouldn't mind joining me) i will go. then again, i would have to buy like all these different tickets to see everything. i probably would only see the ones with greek people in them. Greece hasn't been doing so great this year so far. yes, it has been like 2-3 days but still. not even one? they also have less than half of the people they did in the last olympics where they were the hosts. I think maybe the only shows i would definitely see would be the opening and closing ceremony. though, the opening is almost always so much more better than the closing.

Ok, so i am sort of getting tan. i have gone to my neighbor's pool out in long island today and last week. i might be going to the local pool. possibly. i ate so much shit today. i need to not do that if i want my body not to be nasty at the pool-side.

So. jobs and internships. where have I been all this time? the same place from when i graduated. no where. yes, i have sort of made more connections but none promising. lord and taylors is the only one that miiiiiighhhttttttttttttttttt happen. like one in a hundred unlike the one in a million other ones. the others are not looking good. i think when people don't like your work they just don't respond (even though you try to e-mail them every so often) until you give up. i do have an interview on tuesday for this unpaid internship with this unknown small company with a crappy website. i just have a bad feeling about them. oh, wait. i don't have an interview but a "test" with them. where they will test me on my photoshop skills. i just have a very bad gut feeling about them and what i would be offered there isn't somewhere where i would like to be. i'm going to e-mail them tomorrow and pretend i found a job. how great and honest of me.

whatever. fuck everyone at this moment. it's me watching olympics relaxing in the recliner. how perfect for the moment. current sport: men's beach volleyball. i wish i was in the olympics so i could have that dramatic scream for joy upon winning a gold medal. (though silver is so much more appealing. physically)

the greek olympics were so perfect graphically. the awards and the mascots and just everything that had to be designed was perfect. i'm very proud of that.

It's funny that at these OLympics they keep on playing random american music during intervals or games. they should play chinese pop or something. who cares about rhianna in the middle of Beijing? no one.

i feel like i had much more to say. oh, well.

OH ,YES! HEROES! I finally started watching the second season. I am very close to finished. mainly because they only had 11 episodes due to the writers' strike. oh, well. at least i will be up to date with everything. i forgot how amazing heroes was. what a freakin' great show. i sort of like the fact that they have so many characters. it makes it more interesting. a little more confusing but definitely more interesting. I wonder if the last episode was made in mind that it was the last episode of that season. i'm sure Brian knows, i'll ask him soon.

this summer is going well because i'm not doing much which is what summer is all about but when fall and winter comes i better be doing something. i need to work. i need to get out there. SOMEONE GIVE ME A FUCKIN' JOB THAT I CAN GROW AND DO WELL AND NOT CRY EVERY NIGHT OF MY LIFE.

I know beggars can't be choosers but even homeless man cringes a little when he is thrown a penny. I deserve a big shiny quarter. they just don't know it yet.

:)

I'm a waste of space.

Tue, 05 Aug 2008 22:45:13 GMT

I am mad bored right now.

I saw Franda for like 30 mins in her car. we didn't do anything. we just talked. which is fine but i wish i could have hung out with her more. instead i am home doing nothing. i should read or something but i am not only bored but lazy. i am not in the best of moods. i need to be motivated. there is nothing to strive for at this very moment. i'm living in a monotonous blah. all that excites me is eating.

speaking of food...all i want is pinkberry and that N.Y. roll. with the spicy shrimp, crab and eel. how amazing? too amazing.

the song that i can't stop listening to: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TvG39eE07yo

someone download it for me!

I think i'm getting a new laptop for my birthday. not sure. i sort of don't need it at all but i want it anyway. it will put some excitement into my life. sad, i know.

good thing zola's birthday is coming up soon. it will give me something to do. and i love hanging out with her so that will be fun.

I am going to take a nap. a very undeserved, unnecessary nap. i think that rightly summarizes my life.

A whole lot of something,

Mon, 04 Aug 2008 23:48:24 GMT

a few things have happened. wisdom, pressure and Shana.

I got 4 of my wisdom teeth taken out. most people I have talked to say it was going to hurt a lot and i would be swollen BUT none of that really happened. i did bleed a lot but there was no swelling and little pain. nothing a valium couldn't fix. i definitely defied all human body responses.

over this weekend i went to long island to my neighbors house. we first went fishing. it was my mom, my brother, neighbor, a friend and me. we caught like 20 fish. i caught 6. my largest being the second largest caught. it was fun even though i felt sea sick a little. i later swam in their pool the rest of the time being there. i guess my body hasn't been used to the sun 'cause i have been staying indoors the whole time. when going home i got really sick. i had a really really high fever. i couldn't even talk because my head was hurting so much. the pressure was unbelievably painful. i took a hot shower for like 20 mins. i couldn't get out of that shower. i felt so much better in that heat. strangely enough my fever went away the next morning. not all of it but like 80% of it. very weird. it was like a one time thing.

shana came over the next day from boston to go on an interview. i had to pick her up form the train station first and that was so annoying. i haven't been that frustrated in a very long time. i was on the verge of tears. i was looking for it so hard and asked like three people. after a while i found it. it wasn't obvious at all. she needed up not going to the interview anyway 'cause it was a scam. which was good 'cause i got to hang out with her. shana is my pal.

i feel sweaty and hot right now even though the air conditioner is on. i also want to pig out even though i am not that hungry. i had my favorite sushi roll today. SO GOOD. eel with spciy shrimp and crab. i love it. i am completely off my diet and haven't workout out in like 4 days. very bad. i will start tomorrow and maybe do a little tonight.

i hope i get a job soon. i really do.

life is full of empty hope.

cut the fat.

Thu, 31 Jul 2008 06:52:19 GMT

my self conscious level right now is pretty high. i hate this body. i am bored of this look. i am tired of not finding the right one. yes, it's hard because of my situation and because i am not actively looking (sort of). but it just needs to happen. i need to feel good about myself. i need to be put on a fuckin' pedestal some times. all i want to do now is eat a HUGE bag of doritos. good thing i am getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth pulled out tomorrow. that will be fun. so much fuckedy-fuck-fuck fun. maybe it will make me loose weight. let's hope. i am still not beach worthy. how pathetic.

i am tired of wallowing in what could have been. i repulse myself when i think of how obsessive i get over people. people who don't even talk to me. people who barely know i exist. people who ignore me or just don't give a shit about me. what is wrong? why do i care what they think so badly? why do i strive for acceptance so desperately? i make these worlds and these complex thoughts in my head that contain people that could care less. i obsess over that one person who was too cool for school in college. i think about how i would impress them if they were in front of me right now. what kind of bullshit is this? STOP IT!

haha. ok, that's enough of that.

i'm actually not even feeling that badly right now. i just needed to vent. and i think these pipes are all out of steam. guten nahten.

what do i think? something.

Wed, 30 Jul 2008 18:17:25 GMT

so, am i moving up in life? possibly. possibly not.

i still feel fat. i run every fuckin day and i dont even eat bad stuff. i think im not doing enough ab exercises. urg. i hate being fat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tingalinglings

Mon, 28 Jul 2008 21:10:39 GMT

I finally visited my friend and went to the very talked about Williamsburg, Brooklyn. My friend invited me to this concert happening at this abandoned pool area. I envisioned this deep 12ft smallish pool for some reason but this pool was super big and not that deep. I didn't know the ting tings were going to perform. they aren't my number one band but i like their one semi-famous song. we stood in line for about an hour or more even after cutting about 90% of the line. it was raining, what a mess. though it wasn't intense. just annoying. good thing we bought a $3.50 umbrella that kept on turning inside out. standing in line wasn't all that bad. there was always something to pay attention to, like the 19 yr old grl eating some orange powder drug and sharing it with the guy behind her that she just met. there were also many good looking people there. except none really my type. Williamsburg was interesting in that it kind of reminded me of Boston because of the huge population of young white kids. everyone's look there screamed "i'm too cool for school." and they were. they sure were.

at first i thought to myself that it would be great living there. but then i thought about it more and realized i probably would get really annoyed after a while. i probably wouldn't fit in that well and everyone would surely annoy me. but then again everyone everywhere annoys me. tis the life i lead.

i'm eating greek yogurt with cinnamon in it. it's interesting. i sort of strayed from my diet a little meaning that i occasionally will eat bread. but not much just a few bites. and i might eat something sugary. i haven't gone back to my old ways but i like the way i am now because i can't give up junk. i have cut down A LOT though. i eat right for the most part and maybe eat a little bit of something bad for me haha.

i'm continuing to read this book i stopped reading like a year ago. it's called the Devil in the Details. it's about this lady who talks about her extreme OCD and growing up with it. i realized a lot of what i did and still do is OCD. i know i have some form of OCD (a lot worse when i was a child) but somethings never occurred to me to be OCD symptoms. like constantly thinking you were going to hurt someone but never did. when i was younger and near a baby i used to think that i was going to take the baby and throw it on the floor. i don't know why but it made me anxious haha. or sometimes when i was near knives i would think i was going to stab the person near me and i had to control myself from not doing it. OCD people think these things but very rarely if ever actually act upon them. maybe my next posting will have a list of the OCD things i have done an still do. haha. that would be interesting.

a-tout-e-lou idiots.

a fun day of nada.

Fri, 25 Jul 2008 22:29:57 GMT

i am at home doing NOTHING. i am so fuckin' pale for not going out. soon i'll look good to be going to the pool/beach.

of course Franda can't hang out today AGAIN! Marianna needs to come back. she is always up for hanging out. i have been on the computer trying to create some ads and such but i need to go outside. and i don't want to go by myself. i need more friends. seriously. friends that are free before 7pm. i don't feel like going to the city at 7:30 and staying there till late. mainly 'cause my parents give me shit.

fuck it all.

Flench Flies.

Fri, 25 Jul 2008 19:57:16 GMT

All I want are french fries. this diet is preventing me from eating such amazing junk. :( But according to my scale this morning I have lost about 10 lbs. So, yay! :)

So you think you can dance? yes. no. sort of.

Fri, 25 Jul 2008 02:06:37 GMT

so my favorite contestant on the show, Mark didn't get good reviews yesterday and i thought it was a sure thing that he wa sleaving tonight but he was saved. HOW EXCITING!! and twitch was in the bottom hahahaha. he needs to leave so badly. he annoys me beyond belief.

the top 4 should be mark, katee, courntey and joshua. we shall see in a few weeks. if mark gets kicked off at all i probably will stop watching the show.

the lord and taylor guy answered me back after he saw my website. how impressive. :)